Out a bit...
Morning friends, we will get back to our regularly scheduled ranting, disagreeing attempting to solve the world in a few hours, whoever, I needed to bring something to your attention that will keep me off the blog for about a week starting December 14th.
My regular friends who stop by my little vent on the web know that I have been fighting Glaucoma for over a year now. This battle, although taking place within me and aided by many medical specialists is one of the toughest I have ever faced in my life.
In the beginning, I was a novice to this eye disease, my knowledge consisted of television and movies and learning in one film that the great, Wild Bill Hickock himself suffered from this made all that more alien to me. As an ex law enforcement officer I found myself wondering how he could have faced what he did in his life when his eyes may come and go at a moment’s notice.
I can have perfect vision one moment and unable to see anything the next. It is strange too, not as it would seem. The eyes do not actually turn to black, dark shadows only or anything like that. The best way to describe the change is someone taking a huge glob of a Vaseline substance and placing it over the entire eye. That is what my vision becomes and it will come and go often like that. For example, I began this about a half hour ago, coffee in hand, typing away. I had taken all four of my eye drops and my vision was quite good. Not so now, it is very blurry, fuzzy and I have to stop often to focus. Glaucoma is a nasty enemy and it affects a lot of people.
There are various drops, laser procedures, other avenues the specialists have at their disposal to combat Glaucoma, and I have been and am on the majority of them. I have lost the sight of one eye, I am now fighting for the other, and it is freighting for me to be in this situation. Glaucoma is not like having some other medical problem in our body. If we lose the sight in the eyes, they are gone forever, no government agency will turn us into the million-dollar man, no one will install a mini-camera in our eye, nothing. Fade to black, end of the story.
I am having a surgical procedure on December 14th where they will try one last time to correct the high pressures in one eye. They advised that the optic nerve is so badly damaged in the eye from the continuous high pressures that this procedure is a gamble. They will surgically create a trap door in the bottom white portion of the eye as an exit point for the pressure. Due to the optic nerve damage I may lose all sight and if not I may still do so if scar tissue builds up over time, so it is a gamble and one worth facing.
I will be out of service for about a week, perhaps less. They will remove the bandages on December 15th, if my vision is perfect you can bet the farm I will be telling you all, if it requires more time it will be a week or so. Until then, let us keep the faith, the rants coming and I will let you all know what transpires.
Ranter
6 comments:
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in Nature. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
Glad yer able to handle yer experience with Grace and Good humor. If in yer place I would probably make the same decision. Best to take the pressure off of you and place it directly where it belongs. Yeah, I figured you knew that drill.
Remember the comment about living large and speakin my truth. Here goes...when you sleep at nite or even close yer eyes for even a minute I want you to visulize a deep emerald green (like in Ireland) verdant, lush, healing, green. See green, breathe green, and when you have mustered all the green you can and cant do it anymore follow up with a beautiful purple, as beautiful a purple as you can "see". In this visualization of color you must direct all yer love and gratitude to yer precious eyes. Talk to them like old friends who have served you well, thank them for the stories they have helped create and share with others.
In our culture we tend to focus on what is wrong with something. Kind of a reverse engineering type thing. (WB, you and Art know whereof I speak) Then we try to rationalize the issue and can become at times quite defient with whatever it is--a push away rather than a pull toward. I say this as I deal with alot of cancer folks who "battle" their illnesses. They use so much of their time in a hypervigilent state, agitating, and focusing on the "foreign" invader within. Is it not part of them?
What if they did the exact opposite of the fight. What if they accepted with deep gratitude the many miracles their body performs every second and focused like a laser beam love to those areas deficient. focused thought and gratitude are true miracles. Free yer mind....as the movie states.
Yes, how scary and frightening. Turn those thoughts into gratitude, love your one eye left with all yer heart. Take it into yer confidence, work with it, each cell is alive with yer DNA and consciousness. Use the colors, relax, have a conversation, speak, and listen.....
Call me looney, call me wild, had to speak a truth. Feel like I am being very diffuse, talking all around the edges of the issue and not able to take it on directly....do you get the gist of what I am trying to convey. It is hard to put into words.
Grace and Gratitude are the two words that come to mind.
I got yer back. Mamabear back in prayer-warrior mode.
Here you are the one suffering and you are urging us to have faith. You don't need my words---but I had to say them.
The above first two quotes are from the lovely Helen Keller, always a hero to me. Thought you'd enjoy.
I'm in your corner cheerin for you, Buddy !!
You don't have to be able to see to type. We'll be waiting for upgrades as you progress. We'll ignore any and all typing erros, so just keep us posted. Karen
Thank you all, it is a blessing to have friends and even more to share experiences.
I am looking into a positive outcome, I must look at it in this light, the alternative is far to severe to fathom, but in honesty from my heart, if the worse was to occur, I would go forward, adapt, overcome.
I have a personal driving force whose light is continuously lit by one person who has showed me my way, she is guiding me and to let her down would never happen. I am positive.
Ranter
And in those simple statements you have defined a life well lived and right on track--Good luck to you Ranter--I trust you to my brothers and sisters in the medical profession.
You would be one that even without eyes could see clearly and far.
positive beams of optic nourishment to you, drink in my intention to support you at this time. Directed energy and positive affirmation. Have much faith Ranter we are thinking and praying for you constantly.
Thank God for the light of yer friend----you have many friends, don't ever forget it!!
Mamabear, your words have really touched me, thank you so much,
Ranter
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